Lagunitas Pils

In The beginning, there were ales. As far as anyone knows, the first beers made were ‘top-fermented’, which is longhand for ‘Ale’. Sometime long before the 1860’s, beers became popular that were made in Northern Europe with a bottom fermenting yeast strain that liked the colder temperatures. Because they had to spend weeks aging before they tasted their best, they were known as ‘Lager’ beer. Lager is the German word for ‘storage’. Since they had to sit a while, they took up more time and space and as such were harder and more expensive to make. Where ales are meaty, lagers are sinewy. Where ales are street, lagers are ‘haute couture’. Where an ale might hit you over the head and take your wallet, lagers donate to charity and adopt stray cats. While an ale might steal your car or try to date your daughter and keep her out all night for who-knows-what purpose, a well bred lager would offer to clean your house while you’re on vacation and leave fresh scones and coffee for you when you return. Now, don’t get us wrong, ales can be a lot of fun to hang out with when you’re in the right mood, and if you have bail money on you. But what’s wrong with livin’ uptown from time to time, on a nice street, where the doormen all wear those little uniforms, the air smells of flowers, and lagers rule the Earth.